So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
