In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
