Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
