Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
