just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
