True but thats because hes a fetus.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
