I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
