Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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