only if we run a train.
done.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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