i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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