Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just cropdusted the office
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
