You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
