I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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