He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
