omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize