we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
