ugly people sure do ruin things
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
