the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
