what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
