Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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