yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
