Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
