his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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