And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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