u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
That accounts for only three of the penises
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
