The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
