UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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