Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
