and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
