you have to choose: penises or morals?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
