Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
