we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize