Jerry, you need to find god
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
