In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm really busy with my period
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
