Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
