My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
