Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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