found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
