I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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