good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
