Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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