I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
