I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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