I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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