Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
