addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
