Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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