I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
