Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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