Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
