To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
