how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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