Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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