I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize