I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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