I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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