it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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