god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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