See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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