I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
