At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
