It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
