How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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