i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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