I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
