I forgot how hot balto sounded
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize