I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
