My brain says no but my pants say off.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
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