one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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