if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
