Betty ford says i'm here all night
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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