did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize