i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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