she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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