Don't you send me to vm
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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