Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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