I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
