The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
