Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
