Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize