I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
