happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
