you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
