If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
