u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
