Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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