I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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