the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
