My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
