I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
