Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
