hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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