I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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