I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
