I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
