my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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