Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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