As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Im part way to drunk.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
