I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
