This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
