I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
