I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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