HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
