I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
