dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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